The ultimate destination?
Where singledom reaches an eternal end.
We spend so much of our lives obsessing over marriage, consciously or subconsciously. Whether you’re the oblivious 8 year old girl watching a disney princess being wooed by her prince, or whether you’re the 28 year old being told by society that you need a husband to complete you.
What is big the secret behind marriage that promises fulfilment? Is it the physical presence of another. Is it the unconditional love you hope to receive? Or is it just that it’s the pre- conceived notion that marriage is the end goal, and the end goal promises happiness?
Remember that proverb about the grass always being greener on the other side? Well marriage is kinda like that for singletons. If we find that we are lonely, we tell ourselves that if we had a partner, we wouldn’t know loneliness. If we need security, surely the presence of a man/woman in our lives would provide us with the security that we need. And if we want comfort, where better to find comfort other than that in the arms of your partner.
So as a singleton we begin believing that all the parts of us that are incomplete, will only come to fruition upon marriage. And it doesn’t help when there are studies suggesting that marriage makes you more successful. Is it any wonder that we think marriage is what we need to reach the pinnacles of success?
Women are left either searching for the M word, or actually taking the plunge. But what really does the reality of marriage entail? Does it promise you a release from loneliness? Does it grant you security? Does it provide you with comfort?
The truth is, marriage promises you none of the above. It doesn’t ensure that you never feel lonely, it doesn’t guarantee security. In fact marriage can take you to further realms of loneliness, and insecurity. Insecurity, not only financially, but insecurity, emotionally. Marriage is not the prescription drug that will cure all your life’s ailments. It holds no magic power to remedy all your troubles.
Don’t get me wrong, a strong happy marriage can bring great things to the table. But an expectancy to fill voids within yourself through marriage, is a dangerous notion. Marriage is actually a shared path for two people who have their own paths in life. It doesn’t dictate that the other person caters to all your needs and all your desires, and vice versa. Because the truth is, no one can be the reason for your happiness. If you think someone is, you’re treading on a risky path and at some point you will face disappointment at the hands of another, whether intentionally or unintentionally. That disappointment will itself, take you to a place where you had never expected marriage to ever take you.
So if singledom, doesn’t fulfil you, and neither does marriage, then what exactly will? We live in an idealistic world, where the ideal is that the answer to our problems lies somewhere other than within ourselves. So we look to places and people for comfort and reassurance. But the cure, we’re all searching for, is actually within us. You are what you make of yourself. No man or woman will fulfil you, if you yourself do not have the power over your self, over your mind and over your heart.
If you’re considering marriage as the solution. Let’s be very clear. Marriage is not the solution. Marriage is not the destination either. Marriage is the journey, the path you choose to take with your loved one. It too has highs and lows. It too can bring pain. It too can bring insecurities, just as those that are felt when we are single.
Some days it will prove easy and some days it will prove difficult. Every day you work at it. Every day you give a part of yourself in it’s devotion. If you give it love, you receive love in return. If you neglect it, it will neglect you in return. And this is no different to the way in which we should treat ourselves. Give yourself love, give yourself strength, give yourself everything that you need. Whether you are single or whether you are married.