MARRIAGE – THE ULTIMATE DESTINATION?

blogger, poet, reflections, Relationships, Uncategorized, writer

Marriage…

The ultimate destination?

Where singledom reaches an eternal end.

We spend so much of our lives obsessing over marriage, consciously or subconsciously. Whether you’re the oblivious 8 year old girl watching a disney princess being wooed by her prince, or whether you’re the 28 year old being told by society that you need a husband to complete you.

What is big the secret behind marriage that promises fulfilment? Is it the physical presence of another. Is it the unconditional love you hope to receive? Or is it just that it’s the pre- conceived notion that marriage is the end goal, and the end goal promises happiness?

Remember that proverb about the grass always being greener on the other side? Well marriage is kinda like that for singletons. If we find that we are lonely, we tell ourselves that if we had a partner, we wouldn’t know loneliness. If we need security, surely the presence of a man/woman in our lives would provide us with the security that we need. And if we want comfort, where better to find comfort other than that in the arms of your partner.

So as a singleton we begin believing that all the parts of us that are incomplete, will only come to fruition upon marriage. And it doesn’t help when there are studies suggesting that marriage makes you more successful. Is it any wonder that we think marriage is what we need to reach the pinnacles of success?

Women are left either searching for the M word, or actually taking the plunge. But what really does the reality of marriage entail? Does it promise you a release from loneliness? Does it grant you security? Does it provide you with comfort?

The truth is, marriage promises you none of the above. It doesn’t ensure that you never feel lonely, it doesn’t guarantee security. In fact marriage can take you to further realms of loneliness, and insecurity. Insecurity, not only financially, but insecurity, emotionally. Marriage is not the prescription drug that will cure all your life’s ailments. It holds no magic power to remedy all your troubles.

Don’t get me wrong, a strong happy marriage can bring great things to the table. But an expectancy to fill voids within yourself through marriage, is a dangerous notion. Marriage is actually a shared path for two people who have their own paths in life. It doesn’t dictate that the other person caters to all your needs and all your desires, and vice versa. Because the truth is, no one can be the reason for your happiness. If you think someone is, you’re treading on a risky path and at some point you will face disappointment at the hands of another, whether intentionally or unintentionally. That disappointment will itself, take you to a place where you had never expected marriage to ever take you.

So if singledom, doesn’t fulfil you, and neither does marriage, then what exactly will? We live in an idealistic world, where the ideal is that the answer to our problems lies somewhere other than within ourselves. So we look to places and people for comfort and reassurance. But the cure, we’re all searching for, is actually within us. You are what you make of yourself. No man or woman will fulfil you, if you yourself do not have the power over your self, over your mind and over your heart.

If you’re considering marriage as the solution. Let’s be very clear. Marriage is not the solution. Marriage is not the destination either. Marriage is the journey, the path you choose to take with your loved one. It too has highs and lows. It too can bring pain. It too can bring insecurities, just as those that are felt when we are single.

Some days it will prove easy and some days it will prove difficult. Every day you work at it. Every day you give a part of yourself in it’s devotion. If you give it love, you receive love in return. If you neglect it, it will neglect you in return. And this is no different to the way in which we should treat ourselves. Give yourself love, give yourself strength, give yourself everything that you need. Whether you are single or whether you are married.

The answers lie within you.

@UfShah

WAR

aspiringwriter, blogger, editorial, media, poems, poet, reflections, Uncategorized, writer, writing

What is it that carries us through the whirlwinds of life? Is it the ones that we love that give us the strength to survive? Or is it our careers? Is it our faith?

What is it?

Ever wonder how people fight battles on a daily basis. Heartbreak, illness, death, finance, job loss. All different, yet a battle nonetheless.

Warriors. We are all warriors.

Yes, we do not go to war, at least not the type of wars that we’ve learned of from our history books.

Yet we do stand on the frontline every morning, when we raise our bodies out of our beds and face the world.

Yes, we do not go to war, at least not the type of war that we’ve learned of from our history books.

But we do dress ourselves in armour, and hope to miss the bullets.

Yes, we do not go to war, but we ‘are’ at war.

A war that won’t be found in our history books. A war that has failed to be defined. A war that we wage against ourselves. The war that seems to have no end. Generations after generations become victims, and the cycle continues with every breath.

But let’s not silence our triumphs or forget. Warriors.

We are all warriors.

@ufshah

GOODBYES

aspiringwriter, blogger, poems, poet, Relationships, writer, writing
Cherish Them.

Cherish Them.

Random Fact:
Arteries carry blood from the heart while veins return blood to it.

Isn’t it strange? Human emotion.

How our emotions dictate our behaviour. Sometimes I find emotion so difficult to comprehend. Especially at times when you feel the peak of happiness and the peak of sadness, all wrapped into one precise moment.

So in one ‘precise’ moment, you can feel a volcanic eruption in the form of happiness growing inside of you; streaming through your arteries, reaching every part of your body while teasing the very essence of your soul.

This one ‘precise’ moment.

And before you know it, before you’ve even had the slightest opportunity to consider it; you somehow manage to arouse the burning sensation that follows from such an eruption. The very same happiness that streamed through your arteries, is now returning to your heart via your veins, thickening like lava with every passing second. Suffocating you.

Goodbyes.

This is the feeling I get from goodbyes.

@ufshah

THE PSEUDONYM

blogger, poems, poet, writer, writing

So, it’s taken  years for me to get here. Creating a blog, that is.

Ever said a word so many times, you forget its meaning? I’ve said ‘blog’ so many times, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.

Anyways, it’s tradition to mention in your first post, the reasons as to why you decided to start up a blog and what you plan to do with it. So I guess it would be rude of me if I didn’t tell you a little about it. I guess I’ve always found it fascinating how you can put yourself out there, to the entire world. You can write a few posts on a regular basis and people get to connect with you. That’s pretty awesome! So why wouldn’t you blog right?

I guess the reason I haven’t done so up until now, is due to my flakiness. Flakiness, you ask? By that, I make reference to my lack of commitment to certain things. Or perhaps that’s a bit harsh, I ‘can’ be very committed. Maybe I’m simply referring to my pure and utter laziness!

In all honesty though, I’ve always wanted to start up a blog. However I’ve wanted it to be consistent with everything else that I do. For those of you who didn’t already know, I’m an aspiring writer, and wish to publish a book one day. So I want my journey to reflect consistency, in particular with regards to the name I use for myself.

I’ve been writing for years, so when I decided I wanted to share my writing, I decided to create a pseudonym. Planning the pseudonym took over my life, I looked up names for days, religiously researching their meanings so that my pseudonym could have a powerful meaning. Once I came up with the name (5 names long!) I let it sink in over a few days. But having pondered over it, I thought this isn’t me. Do I really need a pseudonym?

So in the end I decided against it, an chose to use my real name instead. I set up an instagram page, a youtube channel, a twitter page, to name a few, all with my name on them. However not long after, I began to realise that all these social media sites with my name on them were becoming too intrusive in respect of my personal life. So this only meant one thing- I needed to change it again!

This time, I decided to use my initials. And so far, I’m happy with the choice. Happy enough to have set up a blog using my initials. So I guess, the day I do become a published writer, ‘U.F. Shah’ is going to be the name printed on the cover. Still me, not a pseudonym but enough to keep my private life exactly that- private!

As for my plans for the blog, expect anything and everything!

@ufshah