U.F. SHAH

Fragments Of An Impulsive Mind

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CHRISTCHURCH

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March 15, 2019May 21, 2019 U.F. Shah Tagged featured Leave a comment

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The Organ's Speech

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CHRISTCHURCH
MARRIAGE – THE ULTIMATE DESTINATION?
THE KHAN’s V MAKHDOOM
THE DRUNK FEMALE PAKISTANI MUSLIMS
MARRIAGE – TWENTY SEVEN & COUNTING

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Dear Single women, ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ I remember sitting with married women as a single woman. Married women who married in ways that felt archaic. At a time when what you wanted did not matter. Whatever was best for you would be decided for you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They would sit in groups and come together over the memories of their early days together. Having travelled from their home countries to chase a better life. Leaving behind their loved ones to set up home with the new man in their lives. They would tell jokes about their naive ways. How they met one another and formed friendships over their shared journeys. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I remember looking on and thinking how crazy their lives were. How many sacrifices they made. How they gave up everything, their homes, their families, their friends, their countries, for a life they dedicated to their husbands. That's all they knew. That was their understanding of life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I admired the way they made peace with their sacrifices. I could never have done the same. I lived in a time where my choices would be respected. Where I didn't have to sacrifice in order to gain a marriage. Where leaving behind everything you know was a thing of the past. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I now realise the innocence in that trail of thought. The sacrifice starts with "I do." When you say kaboul hai you are essentially saying "I accept the sacrifice." I may not have left a country behind, but I left behind a part of me. And after years of trying to bring it back, I have learned that you cannot unlearn what life has taught you. You have to accept that you will inevitably leave a part of you behind, in the life you once lived.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Happiness comes at a cost. I know that now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Disclaimer: See comments.

Are we ready yet? I don't know what it will take to overcome this thing that seems to have taken over our feeds, our headlines, our lives! I don't know how long it will be before we reflect? Before we question? Before we explore? The reality of the fragility of life has dropped on our doorsteps. All the things we take for granted, taken away in a heartbeat. We often hear about lives being destroyed by war, by terror attacks, by rapes and murders and our thoughts extend themselves to these situations for all of a brief moment, until something else grabs our attention. But this thing, this thing that started far away from home, in another continent just came knocking. It transcended distance, land and sea and came knocking on our doors. Do you think it came to check if we were still behind the doors we so often close on the world? Do you think it came to remind us that our lives can be affected too? Do you think it came to tell us that 'security' does not exist? That our homes can be destroyed too? That our families can be taken from us too? As invincible as we may feel amidst the suffering that goes on in the world, this virus is a reminder that destruction can come at any time. So when this is all over, take a moment to be kinder. Take a moment to recognise you are not eternal beings and that life will one day inevitably end. How do you want to be remembered? As the one who shut the door and hid behind it, or the one who broke down the doors to free others. Life will forever test your character. Are you really the person you think you are? #corona

Lately I've been more aware of the chaos in my mind. I feel as though I'm constantly trying to organise my thoughts, like I'm trying to file them into different categories. Never ending to do lists and plans, but nothing seems to transpire. I feel tired and maybe it's because I'm working my mind too hard. I feel overwhelmed at times and forever have the feeling of being busy. It has truly exhausted me..

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