Hey harmony hustlers, this post is your roadmap to self-care and your reminder to “put your oxygen mask on first”, before assisting others.
It’s a no -brainer that in this fast paced world, the concept of self care is often non-existent in our lives. For many women, the pressure to excel in multiple roles leads them to neglect their own well-being to such a degree that they begin to experience burnout.
With the endless demands of work, family, social obligations etc, there just doesn’t appear to be any time for our own well-being.
Trust me, I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirt. That is exactly why I don’t want you to go down the same slippery slope.
If you’re already sliding head- first, fear not there’s still a way to get you back up onto your feet.
As women we often resist the notion of self-care, because we truly believe that prioritising our own needs is selfish, and doing so makes us feel guilty. Yet, at its core, self-care is far from selfish; it’s an essential practice that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
I won’t bore you with cliche quotes about filling your own cup first, since you’ve no doubt heard these before and chosen to ignore them (no judgement here).
So instead, I’m here to explain why self-care is important. We’ll explore the types of self care you may need, and how to get started on your self- care journey without feeling guilty.
But first I need you to understand that self – care is NOT a luxury, it is a necessity, and there is NOTHING selfish about self-care.
So, let’s delve into the essentials of self-care and discover how you can start prioritising yourself today.
What is self care?
First and foremost, let’s explore what self-care really is.
Self-care involves taking intentional steps to look after your health and well-being.
It is about making time for yourself, recognising and meeting your own needs, and ensuring a balance between giving and receiving.
It’s more than just occasional treats; it’s a consistent practice that helps you manage stress, boost your mood, and maintain a healthy balance in life.
Why do we feel guilty putting ourselves first?
Unfortunately, many women struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time for themselves. The truth is, many women are conditioned to prioritise the needs of others over their own.
This can be as a result of factors including but not limited to traditional gender roles and expectations that value self-sacrifice and caretaking.
This can in turn lead to resentment especially when things begin to crumble. So it’s best not to put yourself in that position in the first place and to learn to meet your own needs first.
At one point in my life, I was one of these women. But I soon learned that the guilt came from what others would think of me. You may find that people are often slighted by your actions. If you choose to do something for yourself, they’ll blame you for neglecting your duties, and responsibilities.
But the truth of the matter is, (which I learned the hard way) that no matter what people say, it is you that suffers in the end.
Whether the consequences are physical, emotional, mental or societal, at the end of the day, you are more often than not, the one who is left to pick up the pieces. So now, my mindset is that if someone does not understand my need to take care of myself, that’s their problem. I will not let them guilt trip me into dismissing the needs of my body, my mind and my soul. I am responsible for me, and I will take care of me.
Self care is not self-ish
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remind yourself that self-care is not indulgent or selfish. Instead it is a vital part of living a balanced and fulfilling life.
If you’re better, not only do you benefit, but the people around you benefit and your environment benefits. It’s a win-win situation.
By prioritising self-care, you’re ensuring that you have the energy and resilience to meet the demands of your daily life, while also taking the time to nurture yourself.
Types of self-care
- Physical self-care
- Emotional self-care
- Mental self-care
- Social self-care
“Self-care is not indulgent or selfish, instead it’s a vital part of living a balanced and fulfilling life.”
1. Physical self-care
How many times have you considered going out for a walk, getting dressed to hit the gym, or just to get your body moving for a home workout, but all your attempts fail?
Whether it’s because of the school run, endless chores, guests or a lack of motivation, there’ll be one reason or the other which makes it difficult to follow through with your need to exercise.
As women, we often feel guilty that we are neglecting our ‘duties’ as mothers, wives, daughters etc, if we take time out of our busy schedules to prioritise ourselves.
However whilst busy schedules can make it difficult to incorporate healthy habits into our lives, nurturing our bodies through proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest is crucial.
When you find a way to master the guilt, you’ll find that you can start to incorporate healthier habits into your life.
Remember physical self-care doesn’t require you to spend hours at the gym, cook extravagant meals, or sleep for 3 days in a row. Instead, it can be anything as small as a 10-15 minute exercise at home, adding a piece of fruit to every meal and going to bed 30 minutes earlier. Once you start building in these small changes, things become seamlessly better.
By focusing on these basics—nutrition, exercise, and sleep—you’re laying the foundation for a healthier, more balanced life.
2. Emotional self-care
Emotional self-care is all about understanding and managing your feelings to maintain mental and emotional well-being.
When we are under undue amounts of stress, we can fall into a cycle of self neglect. There just doesn’t seem to be enough ‘time’ to do the things you need to do for you. I’m sure we’ve all been there at some point. I certainly have.
a. Types of stress
Whilst stress is generally perceived as bad, there is also a good form of stress known as eustress. It is often described as ‘beneficial’ stress. This type of stress is stress we experience when we are excited about something or motivated by the outcome of something i.e. stress before hosting your first event, or going on a date or even during an experience like skydiving, riding a rollercoaster etc.
Therefore some forms of stressful situations are good in that they do not leave a detrimental impact on you. It is the kind of stress that’s short-lived and gives you a boost. It motivates you, sharpens your focus, and helps you perform better.
However ‘bad’ stress is the kind that we need to look out for. This is the type of stress that wears you out, leaves you feeling anxious, exhausted and it may bring on physical ailments.
There are a great deal of studies which confirm the negative effects of chronic stress on your body and let me tell you, none of them are good.
The symptoms can range from headaches, insomnia, body aches, to anxiety, weight gain and depression and anxiety. As a chronic migraine sufferer, chronic stress was most certainly a contributing factor for my illness, and I’m learning, slowly but surely the importance of self -care.
b. Reducing stress
There are many different ways in which you can work on reducing your stress. Here are a few methods which I have trialled and have worked for me:
- Assess your circumstances
- Emotional expression through journaling
- Engage in activities you enjoy
- Set healthy boundaries
i. Assess your circumstances
When we have been under undue amounts of stress for so long, we often fail to realise what is causing us stress in the first place. Try to take a step back and assess your circumstances.
If you find you are feeling anxious and stressed on a regular basis- ask yourself what causes these feelings.
Once you’re aware of the causes, you can start to unpack them, and find ways to deal with them.
ii. Emotional expression through journaling
I heard about the idea of morning pages a few years ago, but I never really gave it much thought at the time. I did what we all do during periods of high stress – I told myself, I don’t have the time for any of that.”
However, when I was forced to start taking care of myself due to my chronic illness, I was advised by a medical professional to try journalling. That’s when I looked into it further.
Morning Pages is a method described in Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”. It involves a daily practice of writing three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, first thing in the morning. The idea behind this method is to allow you to clear your mind, unblock creativity and process thoughts or emotions that might be cluttering your mind.
It is often said that writing allows us to offload our thoughts more effectively than verbal communication because there are no interruptions or ‘blocks’ to our stream of thought.
Whilst I have not yet mastered a routine with journaling, I have been engaging in the act of journaling a lot more, and it really does help. It helps remove negative emotions from your mind and body and helps you to become more self aware. In turn this allows for more conscious living.
iii. Engage in activities that you enjoy
Often when we are stressed we fail to make time to do the things we enjoy.
Sometimes it’s easier to sit in front of the tv for hours on end, because you’re too tired to get up and do something you enjoy. If you enjoy watching tv for hours, this does not apply to you. But if that is not your thing, and it’s become your thing due to your circumstances, start to become conscious of it. Find ways to start incorporating new routines into your life.
The 2 minute rule
The best way to do this, without overwhelming yourself is by following the 2 minute rule. This is a concept I came across in James Clear’s book, “Atomic Habits”. He says that “when you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.”
So if you love to read, or love to go for walks, or whatever it is you love to do, but find yourself limited by time restraints, then try the 2 minute rule. The idea behind the rule is that when you start a new habit, in order to sustain it, dedicating 2 minutes to it is manageable and more likely to get you the results you need.
Let’s take the reading example. If you want to read more, but you feel as though you don’t have the time to read, telling yourself that you’re spending 2 minutes on reading is unlikely to overwhelm you. When you start reading for 2 minutes, over time, you’ll have read more than if you didn’t start reading at all. So 2 minutes is ultimately better than nothing.
You may in fact be encouraged to read longer than 2 minutes, discovering that it was the idea of picking up a book to read which was overwhelming and not how long you spent reading.
The 2 minute rule is a helpful way to inspire you to start to do the things you love.
iv. Set healthy boundaries.
This right here- all I’m going to say is that, it really is ok to say no and to prioritise your own needs.
By taking steps to care for your emotional health, you’ll improve your overall quality of life.
“It really is ok to say no and to prioritise your own needs.”
3. Mental self-care
No self-care guide would be complete without discussing your mind. Mental self care focuses on nurturing your mind and keeping it healthy.
There are many ways that you can do this including mindfulness and relaxation practices such as yoga, or meditation.
The more you incorporate these practices into your daily routine, the more you’ll be able to stay present in the moment and reduce overall stress.
a. Continuous learning
One of my favourite ways to keep my mind positively busy is by continually investing in learning. I do this by listening to self-development audiobooks, signing up to online courses, and by attending events. I find that these activities help to stimulate my brain.
b. Digital detox
Over the past 6-7 months, I have hyper focused on my mental health. As a result I have found that a digital detox can also be very powerful in keeping your headspace in the right place.
If you find yourself ‘doom’ scrolling on the internet, especially on apps such as Tiktok, it’s time to take action. Avoid your phone for the first hour in the morning and the last hour before you sleep at night.
I personally have found that avoiding my phone at night has helped improve my sleep. It allows me to unwind. It also takes me back to my younger years when we didn’t have mobile phones (yes I’m ancient) and we fell asleep thinking about all sorts of random things.
All of these things allow you to connect with yourself in a more meaningful manner. It’s a beautiful way in which you can de-stress and enjoy the smaller things in life. By incorporating these habits into your routine, you’ll support your mental well-being and enhance your overall sense of balance.
If the guilt of prioritising your mental well-being holds you back, remember that when you are in a better headspace, everything around you becomes more balanced. This allows you to show up as your best self rather than the tired, irritable, and resentful version of you.
4. Social self-care
Whilst there is a lot of focus on what you can do for yourself individually, self-care also involves nurturing the relationships in your life.
The power however is in having ‘healthy’ relationships – relationships that are positive, supportive and enriching.
Admittedly, It’s not always easy to have healthy relationships with people. However good communication and strong conflict resolution skills are essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
If you find that your sense of self does not align with certain people that’s perfectly okay. You are not meant to align with everyone. It’s absolutely ok to not have these people in your life (circumstances permitting).
If however you have difficult relationships in your life which you do have to maintain for various reasons, i.e. work, marriage, extended family etc, drawing boundaries is the best way to manage them. (More about boundaries in an upcoming article).
“If you find that your sense of self does not align with certain people that’s perfectly okay. You are not meant to align with everyone.”
Next, don’t underestimate the importance of having a strong support system. Having a sense of belonging has a very positive impact in our lives. If you can, find and participate in supportive communities through hobbies, groups or even online networks. This will help you feel like you are a part of something bigger than just you.
The power of solitute
Whilst all the social connection is important, make sure to balance your social interactions with alone time. Solitude can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and recharging.
By striking a balance between socialising and spending time alone, you’ll create meaningful connections while also taking care of your own needs.
If you feel guilty at the thought of socialising with your friends or colleagues etc, due to familial responsibilities or vice versa, remember that what you need, matters. It doesn’t matter if someone else thinks you should or shouldn’t do something. As long as what you are engaged in, brings you joy, and helps you find balance, then it is important that you do it.
“What you need, matters.”
Practical self-care tips
Incorporating self-care into your daily routine doesn’t have to be complicated.
If you start by incorporating small changes into your life, using the 2 minute rule for example, you’ll start to build healthy habits. Also the consistency of your habits will help you to prioritise yourself overtime.
To tackle my insomnia, I made small changes into my routine, which meant I could wind down around 9pm. Slowly these changes have led to a bedtime routine which now feels ‘criminal’ to not follow.
My routine now involves:
- Being done with my dinner, dishes and tv by 9pm;
- going upstairs and leaving a book on my pillow;
- having a hot shower with beautifully fragranced products which leave me feeling and smelling great;
- getting into bed, and reading a few pages of a book before nodding off.
- I have updated my phone settings to automatically engage ‘do not disturb’ after 10pm, so no calls or texts will disturb me.
Ever since incorporating this routine into my life, I am left feeling so much more energised and refreshed in the mornings. Admittedly, for circumstances out of my control, I don’t always get to follow it, but I do always try.
Don’t get me wrong I did receive a lot of resistance from others when trying to build this routine, since people are used to you existing in a particular way. However, pushing through those barriers have left me in a much better place.
Self-growth is always met with resistance, but you won’t regret fighting through the challenges.
Action point
Start by understanding what self-care means to you and incorporate simple practices like a balanced diet, regular exercise, and quality sleep into your routine.
From your daily routine, try and pick out the things you feel obstruct you, versus the things you could incorporate to make you feel looked after.
Once you know what you want to eliminate and what you want to incorporate into your life, focus on building habits to assist you.
You can do this by creating a personalised self care plan that fits your lifestyle. It is important to be consistent with your plan, but also allow yourself the flexibility to adjust your plan if required.
Simple practices like taking short breaks throughout the day, setting aside time for hobbies, and prioritising tasks can make a big difference. By integrating these practical tips into your routine, you can make self-care a seamless and rewarding part of your life.
Conclusion
In closing, we’ve explored the intricacies of self-care and the pervasive influence of guilt in our lives. We should now know that by embracing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and honouring our needs without guilt, we pave the way for a life filled with balance, resilience, and joy.
Whilst guilt may take over your desire to take care of yourself, if you take actionable steps to overcome your guilt and other barriers, you can start integrating self-care practices into your daily life.
Being aware of the emotional and mental barriers to self-care is important but practical strategies are essential for real change.
Remember, you are worthy of love, care, and attention—always.
Prioritising self-care is essential for leading a balanced and fulfilling life. As we mentioned at the outset, self-care isn’t about being indulgent; it’s about meeting your basic needs and ensuring you have the energy to handle life’s demands.
Small, manageable steps can lead to significant improvements in your well-being.
It’s time for you to reclaim ownership of your health and happiness, free from the constraints of guilt and self-doubt.
Remember, self-care is a journey, not a destination.
You’ve got this!