Hi Harmony Hustlers, in this post, we’re talking all things self-validation- from what self-validation is, to why it matters and how you can learn to do it. If you often seek input from others before making decisions, it could be a sign that you lack confidence in your own judgment. It doesn’t help that we’re often encouraged to trust other people but rarely told to focus on the importance of trusting our own instincts and decisions.
Imagine waking up every day feeling confident that your worth comes from within and not from what others think.
Whether self-validation is new to you or something you’ve lost along the way, remember that learning to trust your own thoughts is a truly empowering experience. It boosts your confidence and allows you to be the best version of yourself.
What is self-validation and why does it matter?
When you receive good or bad news, is your first instinct to call someone and share the news? Do you immediately feel the urge to discuss your next steps with someone else? If that’s your go-to move every time, you might be relying a little too much on others for validation. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with sharing your life with friends—good or bad. But if it’s happening all the time, it might be a sign you’re not quite comfortable validating yourself.
Self-validation is all about giving yourself a pat on the back, recognising your own feelings, and trusting your gut.
The dictionary definition describes it as ‘the feeling of having recognised, confirmed, or established one’s own worthiness or legitimacy.’
There’s a fine line between just catching up with friends and constantly needing their approval to make decisions. When you let others call the shots, you’re basically handing over your power, which can leave you feeling out of control.
Now, let’s be real: even when we make decisions on our own, we’re not always going to get it right. But the key difference is, when it’s your choice, you own the outcome. When you are accountable for your own actions, you grow and learn from your experiences. You start to realise that you have way more control over your life than you thought. It’s in those moments of taking responsibility for your actions that you reclaim your power and feel more empowered to navigate your life confidently. This is why self-validation matters.
How does self-validation help you?
Self-validation is super important because it gives your self-esteem a big boost and helps you bounce back from tough times. Plus, it lets you be, your true self, make confident choices, and really feel good about who you are.
Once you master self-validation you start to build confidence, making you less reliant on others for approval. You’ll find that you’re better equipped to handle setbacks and challenges.
Plus you end up in a position to be able to recognise your own worth and trust your instincts, which will no doubt result in you making more authentic and confident decisions.
All of these things combined help you to create a deeper sense of self-worth, which ultimately allows you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life.
In short, self-validation empowers you to take control of your life and be true to yourself.
How to self-validate in 5 steps
- Identify what prevents you from self-validating
- Build a Positive Relationship with Yourself: Learn to Trust Yourself
- Be kind to yourself
- Learn to regulate your own thoughts and feelings by finding different outlets
- Practice, Practice, Practice
1. Identify what prevents you from self-validating
First things first, take a moment to figure out what’s stopping you from self-validating.
It could be anything from worrying about others’ opinions and battling low self-esteem to dealing with past hurts. Maybe you rely too much on external approval or just don’t know what you truly need and want.
Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who make you run every decision by them, such as parents, friends, family or partners. When this happens continuously over an extended period of time, you may feel like you’ve lost your autonomy. But fret not because you do have the tools to make your own decisions and you really don’t need to run them by anyone (unless you’re a child- in which case please listen to your parents).
If the above is the reason for your inability to self-validate I want you to try something. The next time something comes up that involves you having to make a decision, try handling it yourself instead. It might feel a bit weird at first especially because you’re not used to it. But the more you practice the easier it will get.
Once you rely on yourself for a decision you will learn to trust in your own judgement and it will pave the way for you to cut down your dependence on others.
You may find that you don’t get a warm reception from those who are used to making your decisions for you- but let that be their problem. You focus on yourself and your development. Those who love you unconditionally will accept your growth, even if it takes them some time to get used to it.
When you unravel the issues and address them head on you strengthen your ability to self-validate.
“Self-validation empowers you to take control of your life and be true to yourself.”
2. Build a Positive Relationship with Yourself: Learn to Trust Yourself
If you often find yourself unsure about your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings, it’s crucial to start working on building a better relationship with yourself. The desire to seek validation from others often stems from a lack of trust in your own judgment. So how can we change this? How can we get you to trust your own choices?
You have to start by giving yourself a little assessment.
First, consider if there are people in your life who trust your advice. If they do, that’s a sign that you have good judgment.
Next, reflect on past decisions you’ve made. If you’ve made good choices before, it shows you can trust yourself, and even if you’ve made mistakes, remember that everyone does. Forgiving yourself is key, just as you would forgive others for their slip-ups.
To truly start building a trusting relationship with yourself, focus on developing a positive outlook of yourself. Acknowledge your strengths and past successes, and don’t be too hard on yourself for mistakes.
When you do this, it will help to shift your mindset from self-doubt to self-confidence. Whilst you practice trusting yourself more, you’ll notice a significant improvement in your ability to self-validate.
Remember, self-validation is about recognising your own worth and capabilities, not waiting for others to tell you that you’re doing okay.
3. Be kind to yourself
One of the side effects of not being able to self-validate is often neglecting self-care. The two go hand in hand. It’s therefore important that you take a moment to figure out what you need and then actually make time for it.
Sometimes, you know exactly what you need, but you just push it aside because of all the pressures you and others may put on you. But here’s the thing: if you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t enjoy life like you should. So take that evening, or even a whole day just for you, and do the things you love.
Don’t worry about the dishes, laundry, or cooking—they’ll still be there tomorrow. Those chores aren’t going anywhere, but your health can suffer if you don’t prioritise it. You can always catch up on household tasks later if they’re holding you back from taking time for yourself.
Whatever it is that’s preventing you from focusing on self-care, figure it out and tackle it head-on. If you need help, don’t hesitate to ask for it from those around you. Your well-being should come first, so make sure to carve out that time just for you.
Being kind to yourself is all about acknowledging that your well-being is just as important as everything else on your plate.
4. Learn to regulate your own thoughts and feelings by finding different outlets
If you find yourself turning to friends or family as your go-to therapists, it might be time to switch things up. It’s kind of like how writers shouldn’t rely on loved ones for feedback—they just can’t give you that unbiased critique you need. In the same way, constantly leaning on friends and family to validate your choices isn’t the best idea. Sure, getting advice every now and then is totally fine, but if you find yourself needing it all the time, it can easily become a habit where you’re asking and allowing others to make big decisions in your life. Don’t forget, that not everyone has your best interests at heart, and not everyone knows what’s best for you.
When you always look to others for answers, little by little, it can chip away at your confidence and independence.
If you really don’t know where to start with regulating your own thoughts and feelings, journalling is a good place to start. You’ll be amazed at how much you can understand about yourself through journaling.
However, if you really do need someone to support you along the way, find a professional therapist. A therapist can help you find better ways to manage your thoughts and emotions, so you’re not always looking outside yourself for validation.
Once you learn to regulate your own thoughts and feelings, you’ll feel way more empowered and inspired to make decisions that truly reflect who you are.
“The only validation that truly matters is your own.”
5. Practice, Practice, Practice
Self-validation, like any skill, takes time and effort to develop. It’s not something that happens overnight, but the good news is that the more you practice, the better you’ll get at it.
The key is to start small. Acknowledge your feelings, validate your experiences and give yourself credit for your achievements.
Once you do this consistently, you’ll start to build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.
It takes patience and perseverance, but don’t let that deter you. Whatever time and effort you put into learning and developing this skill will pay off.
Embrace the Power of Self-Validation
Learning to self-validate is a journey. One that requires patience, kindness, and trust in yourself. Remember, you have everything within you to navigate your life confidently, you just have to learn to utilise what you have.
When you start validating yourself, you’re not just boosting your confidence, but you’re also giving yourself the freedom to live true to who you really are. So trust your inner voice, and remember that you don’t need anyone else’s approval for how you wish to live your life. You’re more than capable of validating your own worth.
In the end, the only validation that truly matters is your own.
Ready to start your journey of self-validation? Apply these tips in your daily life and watch your confidence grow. Plus, if you’ve got any thoughts or experiences to share, I’d love to hear them. Drop a comment below :)